Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Rankles

One thing I left out of my previous post about my midwife visit last week was a remark she made at the end.

She told me, "As long as everything keeps going like this, you shouldn't have any problems. A smaller baby would be nice, though." The Hippo was 9 lbs. 8 oz. - lovely and chubby.

I can't let go of this. In reply, I looked her in the eye and said, "The baby will be whatever size it is."

In my view, this remark means that she's automatically thinks I'll have a larger baby because I'm overweight. The remark also implies that I should do something about it.

What about trusting that my body will create a baby that it can birth? What about the fact that I'm checking my blood sugar and my numbers are all fine, even after things like ice cream and cake (which I don't eat very often)?

I want to confront her and see if this really will be an issue for her. I don't want anyone coming to my birth who a) is afraid of shoulder dystocia or any other perceived complications of a "large" baby, b) doesn't know how to deal with shoulder dystocia should it arise (which it does even in babies who weigh 6 lbs!).

I talked to Soulmate about this and he's ok with us waiting to call her until I'm well into labour.

I've thought about finding another midwife, but I have no other options unless I want to use a traditional birth attendant (unregistered midwife). I don't feel comfortable doing this partly because my doula has made it clear she won't attend my birth if I don't use a registered attendant (midwife or doctor).

So, I WILL confront my midwife - I just have to figure out if I should do it now over the phone or wait until the end of May when I have my next appt.

2 comments:

mo*reezy said...

I wasn't in the room to hear how she said this, but in reading it I don't sense the implications of her remark that you do. She probably just assumes that women would prefer a "normal" (whatever that means) size baby just for ease of birthing. I've had overweight friends give birth to 6 pounders and tiny friends have 9 pounders. And I'm sure she's seen it all, too. From reading your other posts, I gather that you are very pro-low intervention birth, which is a totally fine way to be, especially considering how unhappy you are with your first birth experience. It just also seems that you are taking any kind of comment or practice really personally. You've mentioned several times feeling like your doula and midwife don't trust your knowledge and intuition, so you know what it feels like to not be trusted or taken seriously. I am totally against blindly following advice without questioning the advisors, but I can imagine that your doula and midwife don't feel like you take them seriously either.
I expect you to disagree with my thoughts, which is fine. Isn't that the great thing about free opinion?

KEM said...

Hmm. You're right. At this stage, I don't trust anyone but myself. I guess it doesn't make sense that I want my doula and mw to trust me. I should just not care.