Rankles

One thing I left out of my previous post about my midwife visit last week was a remark she made at the end.

She told me, "As long as everything keeps going like this, you shouldn't have any problems. A smaller baby would be nice, though." The Hippo was 9 lbs. 8 oz. - lovely and chubby.

I can't let go of this. In reply, I looked her in the eye and said, "The baby will be whatever size it is."

In my view, this remark means that she's automatically thinks I'll have a larger baby because I'm overweight. The remark also implies that I should do something about it.

What about trusting that my body will create a baby that it can birth? What about the fact that I'm checking my blood sugar and my numbers are all fine, even after things like ice cream and cake (which I don't eat very often)?

I want to confront her and see if this really will be an issue for her. I don't want anyone coming to my birth who a) is afraid of shoulder dystocia or any other perceived complications of a "large" baby, b) doesn't know how to deal with shoulder dystocia should it arise (which it does even in babies who weigh 6 lbs!).

I talked to Soulmate about this and he's ok with us waiting to call her until I'm well into labour.

I've thought about finding another midwife, but I have no other options unless I want to use a traditional birth attendant (unregistered midwife). I don't feel comfortable doing this partly because my doula has made it clear she won't attend my birth if I don't use a registered attendant (midwife or doctor).

So, I WILL confront my midwife - I just have to figure out if I should do it now over the phone or wait until the end of May when I have my next appt.

MW appt today

After a stressful sleep (Soulmate is out of town) where I dreamt that my blood pressure was high already at 20 weeks, I was relieved to find all was well at the midwife today. My MIL came along to entertain the Hippo (who was VERY watchful whenever anyone did anything to Mommy).

BP is 120/70
Babe's heartrate is 140ish
I'm still a pound down from my pre-preg weight (I'm tracking my own weight and reporting it to her)
My blood sugar is totally normal (now that I've figured out how to wash my hands properly...)

So, I'm off to climb into the bath. Hippo fell asleep right at 8. I'm hoping he's down for the night...

Situation normal all f-ed up...

No, not me. I'm on an email list and someone wrote a message complaining about doctors at a certain hospital who, when they arrive to find a woman labouring on her hands in knees, or squatting, or in some other unapproved position, remark, "Well, how am I supposed to deliver this baby if you're in that position?"

I thought up a great comeback lying in bed last night.

"Just make sure the baby doesn't hit the floor. If you can't do that, my husband will."

I'm not sure how I am in labour - I've never done it. My son was born by c-section after 12 hours of pitocin did exactly...nothing (except lower his heartrate).

HOWEVER, I suspect my true response from my true labour self (who's totally DONE being nice to ANYBODY at a hospital) would be:

"Fuck off. If you can't fucking catch a baby, get the hell out!"

Yeah. That's me.

Good thing I'm planning a homebirth.

Doula

Ok, I've known our doula for almost two years now. She knows the entire story of the Hippo's unnecesarean. She's seen me cry over some aspect of it dozens of times. She's a bit like the village wise woman and I have always felt respected in her presence.

We had our first formal doula-client meeting a few days ago and I was a little bothered. I was joking about how big my uterus was and that I was worried about the whole twins/HBAC dilemma I may face.

I also told her how I knew exactly where the baby was positioned when we first heard the heartbeat. She poopooed this a bit and said that just because the doppler was positioned about 4 inches to the left of my belly button, it didn't mean the baby was exactly there. Ok. I get that, but I *know* where the baby was.

Am I the only pregnant woman ever to figure out that your uterus gets hard during orgasm and it becomes absurdly easy to find the small lump of baby that's in there - even at 14 weeks?

I guess I should just stop talking about baby positioning unless I want to have to explain exactly how I know.

What bothers me more is the fact that she didn't trust me to know my own body. What's that all about?