New Midwife

I was told that when I found the right midwife I would just *know*. I didn't really believe anyone who told me that, but now I see they were right. It wasn't until after we'd left the office that I realized a tremendous weight of fear had been lifted from my shoulders. I no longer felt that this baby was going to be born in the hospital. The odds of him being born at home went up a huge amount.

I'll call her M. She was understanding, compassionate, knowledgeable, and proactive. She gave me names of a chiropractor and an acupuncturist. She agreed that I probably didn't have pre-eclampsia last time - just hypertension. Unfortunately, unlike pre-e, PIH can repeat in subsequent pregnancies. She suggested ongoing acupuncture in addition to Brewer's Diet.

M also suggested chiro care and yoga to strengthen my core and align my pelvis in case it's gotten wonky from years of sedentary lifestyle (my description, not hers).

She even said that, should I "risk out" of homebirth in the end, I could likely stay at home to labour as long as possible and if the baby was born at home, so be it.

I told her that I was so afraid of be treated like crap in the hospital that if I showed up before I was 8-9 cm dilated, I knew my labour would stall. I also told her that the only place I could see myself comfortably labouring in the hospital was if I locked myself in the bathroom. She got it.

I feel like my chances of having this baby at home have gone up from about 15% to about 80%.

In other news, we've hired a very experienced doula, E. I've known her for over a year. She knows the whole story surrounding Hippo's birth (my 13 mo old ds) and how much I want to avoid another c-section.

I'm thinking of actually writing a birth plan this time with the idea that, if I have a clear focus on what I want to happen, the likelihood of it happening the way I want will go up. Make sense? Maybe not. But it can't hurt to articulate what I really, really want.

A Change in Plans?

So, we're back to the drawing board with choosing a midwife. The midwife I spoke to last week was very nice and open, but I can't shake the feeling that she was less-than-enthusiastic about a HBAC. I only want to set foot in that hospital if I absolutely have to for a medical reason.

I called the last 3 midwives on my list this morning and am still waiting to hear back from 2 of them. One, with whom I'll meet next week, listened to the brief synopsis of my first birth and responded, "Oh, then you'll be just like someone with a first vaginal birth!"

To sum up: I was induced at 37 weeks and 4 days for PIH - pregnancy induced hypertension - the induction failed. I never went into labour and was sectioned because they kept hyping on about how the baby was "so big" (my son was 9 lbs. 8 oz when he was born).

In other news, the nausea arrived right on time. I thought I remembered it starting at 6 weeks with my son and I'm six weeks today with this pregnancy. It's annoying, yet comforting - I wasn't really having any other pregnancy "symptoms" (didn't have any last time, either). I'm off to choke down my salmon salad in my constant quest for protein.

5 weeks 4 days

I think I have a midwife. I spoke at length to her partner on the phone. She is coming tomorrow for an interview.

I spent time last week working out why I was having anxiety attacks whenever I thought about/interviewed a midwife. Turns out I had some unresolved issues with trusting them. I thought that wouldn't be an issue - I'm pretty much going to take care of myself this pregnancy - but I was wrong. I still need to be able to trust that the advice they give me is based on honesty and medical fact - not fear for their career.

I'll post again after the interview tomorrow!

13 DPO

I started having just the barest hint of nausea this morning while standing in line at Starbucks. I had forgotten what pregnancy nausea was like for me - not real puking-my-guts-out nausea, just a feeling that I'm so NOT hungry. Only had it for 6ish weeks last time and I think it started around Week 6.

Called both midwifery practices - one called back already to get my info. They will call tomorrow to schedule an appointment.

I have been feeling a certain amount of fear the past day or so. This morning I was walking my son to a storytime and I realized that being fearful will get me nowhere. I have to approach this birth with confidence. I have to see it happening. I've even already picked out a spot in the house, I think.

More later.

A Little Bit Pregnant

Yep. Yesterday at 11DPO I got a very faint line on a cheapo grocery store test. I wasn't convinced that it was a positive - thought it might be one of the infamous evaporation lines. Showed it to Soulmate and he thought the line looked pink (evap lines are reputedly gray). Off we went to buy an expensive First Response Early Results. Within 90 seconds of peeing on the test, I saw a faint positive!

I did buy a two-pack, so I'll use the second one on Friday just to confirm (15 DPO).

I'm so excited. With my first, I never had the what-have-I-done feeling. We wanted him so badly. We want this baby badly, too. But, my life is perfect now, right? Wonderful hubby. Fabulous toddler. What more do we need? I'm so excited to see how this baby will help us improve on perfection.

This baby will also be, G-d willing, my HBAC (homebirth after cesarean) baby. I planned a homebirth with AY (my 12 month old son), but we jumped the rails in crazy fashion around 37 weeks and I ended up with an unnecesarian at 38 weeks due to PIH ( pregnancy induced hypertension) and doctors who were looking to cross me off their Xmas list (I was due Dec 24).

This time around I'm eating better (lots of protein, leafy greens, and whole grains as per Dr. Brewer). I'm exercising more. I'm choosing new midwives. I'm going to get chiropractic care and possibly massage therapy (AY never "dropped" into my pelvis and I wonder if my pelvis is out of whack from years of sedentary lifestyle). I'm taking my vitamins. Most importantly, I'm visualizing what it will be like to feel the baby drop into my pelvis and what it will feel like to push the baby out.

Stay tuned for more exciting adventures on Canadian HBAC!