Friday, June 27, 2008

Surrender

I had a breakdown in the midwife's office last week. It all suddenly became too much for me - I had gained 8 lbs in a month (bringing my total to 12 lbs gained for this pregnancy so far), my blood sugar was slightly elevated, and I generally felt scared that I wouldn't be able to escape what happened last time.

She listened and assured me that, even if we ended up in the hospital, she wouldn't abandon us. She also told me that I'm doing everything possible to ensure a good outcome and that I needed to let go of controlling the process.

She was right. I thought long and hard that day and made the decision to completely surrender this birth to G-d. The results were almost immediate. The sun seemed brighter, my step was lighter, it was easier to pick up the Hippo, and I slept peacefully at night. My blood sugar numbers went down.

I have been living like this for a week now and I'm a much calmer and happier person. I have made the word "surrender" into my mantra. I can now visualize the birth taking place here in my house.

2 comments:

I am a Monkey's Mama said...

Mama...I *feel* ya. I really, really do.

Really.

Keep up the mantra. It works. Two I learned today:

-This will be a corrective experience.

-I trust the universe.

Give it a shot. See what it can do for you. Every time you have a BH, repeat one in your mind or out loud. Pretty soon it will be second nature and you will continue to do it while laboring.

You can do this. I'm rooting for you.

xoxo,
Monkey's Mama

Red said...

I had my children(through midwives) 19 and nearly 15 years ago...I have never regretted it. I do not see how woman turn their bodies over to doctors. IK am not slamming doctors, they have thier place in this world(somewhere), but I much preferred the setting in my midwifes office over any doctor I had ever been to.

Take a deep breath Ms. Canada and you will be fine. You are doing all the right things and mother Nature will do the rest(with the help of your midwife)

Best of luck to you!