Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Another Birth Dream and Putting Things in Boxes

I dreamt last night that we were visiting the midwife at her clinic - I had never been to this particular place before and there were tons of people around. I was in labour and I think I had gone to the clinic to get IV antibiotics for testing positive for Group B strep (I was positive in my last pregnancy and suspect I will be for this one, too).

Soulmate was with me, but disappeared somewhere. The midwife from my last pregnancy was seeing me but had to go see other clients. I was walking around trying to have a baby. I kept trying to push while standing up, but nothing was happening, so I went into another room to try to find something to hang from while squatting. I squatted and pushed for a while and finally decided to see if I could reach the baby's head. I could and was able to feel the head move forward as I pushed. I stopped and she slid back. I pushed again and her head came out. I checked to see if the cord was around her neck - it wasn't. I pushed again and her shoulders started to emerge. At this point I felt she was stuck and I called for someone to help me.

A young guy who worked at the clinic came over (I was in a room out of the main area, but the door was open and people were milling about). I told him the baby was stuck. He stood in the doorway and looked at me. I asked him if he was going to help me. He replied that I was capable of handling the situation myself. Sure enough, I was able to hook my thumbs under her armpits and pull her out.

She was quite long, had lots of dark hair, and seemed to have a skin condition (we have a friend whose toddler has eczema all over his body - this is what she looked like). She seemed happy and I estimated her weight to be "8 lbs and change". She opened her eyes and smiled at me. I fed her and then decided I wanted a shower. I found the semi-private showers at the clinic and kept trying to shower, but a bunch of people kept walking in and I couldn't wash what needed to be washed... I had set the baby on a towel next to me. The dream either ended here or I woke up - I don't remember anything else.

I find it interesting that this is the second dream I've had where I gave birth pretty much alone. Of course it didn't hurt - I've never felt contractions other than Braxton-Hicks, so I guess my brain didn't know how to fill in the blanks.

I have a feeling (perhaps a naive and optimistic one) that I won't have a lot of pain and my labour will go pretty quickly, but so quickly that neither my husband nor my midwife will have time to get here? It could happen, I suppose.

I never dream that I'm trying to escape while giving birth, even though this is one of my real-life fears. I've mentioned here before that I spend sleepless nights figuring out escape routes should we end up in the hospital.

I'm trying to figure out what to do with these thoughts. I don't think they are especially productive, but somehow I feel the need to Be Prepared for any eventuality. I think it's sabotaging my ability and my need to gestate in peace. I'm toying with the idea of writing a birth plan where we end up in the hospital. Then, I'll put it in a box on the top shelf of my closet and think no more about the hospital. I'll focus on birthing at home.

Yet, I wonder if I need to face my hospital fears. Is it healthy and productive to wrap them up and put them away? I'm just not sure.

In the mean time, I have to go turn down the radio before the Hippo gets woken up from his nap.

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